Deceitful Beauty – still….

These lovely pictures were taken in Bahia de Kino. This Sonora, Mexico seaside community is home to some wonderful and amazing individuals, and once housed the  long term “troubled youth” program which so scarred those of us fortunate enough to be placed there. Long since closed, Positive Impact was such a credit to the international family of behavior modification programs popular at the time, there is a Facebook page dedicated to the “survivors” of the intense psychological and emotional torture enjoyed by the teens kept there.

While I’d like to think that I’ve completely forgiven my unknowing parents for the 1-year+ I spent there, the damage still lingers. To the now magically disappeared operator, from the bottom of my heart, “fuck you John Anderson.”

  

    
    
    
 

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Birthday Suicide Blues (2015)

Kicked out of yet another program last year….this time on my birthday 2015. Hiked 23 miles through New Bedford and wound up shooting coke under a bridge to celebrate….detox the next day. Sigh…madness and mayhem on tap.

Suicide Blues

Information overload leaves a catatonic state,

Insane flashbacks that babbling never slakes.

So, I’ll lift a glass or grab a spoon,

Always a delight to numb out while speeding towards one’s doom.

Sweet and luscious memories deride me in a torrent,

So, I’ll hit it twice and blank it out till I become abhorrent.

Streets, infections, jails, and horrifying youth,

Tweaked out, blacked out, cracked out, hiding from a truth.

It hides behind each one I take, lurking in the corner,

A queasy feeling critter all sewn up dark,

“Truth” is my last remaining mourner.

With bulging eyes and clasping paws it looks comfort to provide,

But I’ll show it how, I’m living now, in ghastly fear and pride.

Battering awareness until thinking is a chore,

Wish it didn’t taste so good or I’d be less a whore.

So feed me everything you’ve got –

The booze, the pills, the lines, the rock.

Pump it in as fast you can until I’m outlined in chalk.

Eventually all will fade away and leave behind my friend,

“Truth” says that all this time it was just fine to reach out for an end.

I could have saved my aching skull from cracking at the ridge –

It’s too late now though, and all I dream of is hanging from a bridge.